Simplicity

I feel like God has been trying to teach me something this year.  In January, Scott was finishing up a big room addition job and we were looking forward to the final paycheck.  Scott had done a great job estimating the job and we were going to make a little more than we were used to. Not because Scott was over charging her, but because he did a great job on the estimate.  But, in early January the customer started to complain.  She didn't think the added space was going to be enough for all of her stuff.  This lady seriously had too much!  I could tell you about that, but that is her business.  Instead of realizing she just had too much stuff she became resentful.  She started looking for things to be wrong and made up whatever she could.  She would spend the day yelling at Scott condemning his hard work.  She started calling past customers, other contractors associated with Scott, Menards, Angie's List, and anyone she could think of to tear Scott down.  Soon, Scott was demanding money for supplies (the third agreed installment for the job) and she began to put him off.  She made up many excuses for why she didn't have the money yet, until finally by the end of February she was refusing to pay him anything else at all. By March, the job was complete (according to the contract)and passed all inspections and if you ask anyone other than her Scott did a fantastic job.  At this point, Scott was owed $15,000.  If you know anything about having your own business you understand that there are bills to be paid especially for contractors.  We buy the supplies and we have to pay for them! We needed $6000 to finish paying for the supplies and other contractors involved.  The rest was Scott's pay for the 3 months of labor.  So, for 3 months we hadn't had any money brought home yet.  After several meetings with the woman Scott tried demanding the money, he tried making her feel bad, and he tried doing whatever she said to get the money.  As you can imagine it was exhausting for him.  She would say if you do "this" then I'll pay you and she would not pay and tell him again do "this" and you get the point.  He told her, "I have 4 kids, I have to buy them food and I have bills I need to pay." Her response, "That is your own problem."  Scott finally had his Dad come in as our accounting/billing guy.  After a 3 hour meeting and her yelling they were able to agree that she would pay the $15,000 and Scott would not add on the extras so he could get a check.  Well the next day she renigged, but she did give him $6000 the day before all of our supply bills were due.  After much more torture and too many details we never got the other $9000 she owed us. 

This was all so hard as a wife.  I love Scott more than anything and never did I want him to feel like he failed his family because he didn't.  He worked his tail end off for a horrible woman.  I don't believe that this woman ever planned to pay the full amount because of many other things I left out.  I wanted to knock on that woman's door and scream at her and then if that didn't work pound her face in (honestly). I'm not even a violent person.  I was also scared because I didn't know what we were supposed to do.   My husband worked for 3 months and didn't get paid a penny.  He worked long days and came home miserable.  Those were 3 months we could never get back.  I felt like I couldn't tell Scott when I was scared because that would make him feel worse than he already did. 

What did we do? Well we thought about taking her to court.  After a ton of prayer and Bible reading we truly felt like God did not want us to do that.  We contacted a lawyer even.  We felt God saying to us that it is His job to punish those that dishonor Him or us in anyway.  We have no rights to judge her or condemn her. We also knew that she had a lot of money and would fight us to the end for even a penny (other details I left out too).  We were already out of money so how would we ever come up with any to sue her?  We also felt like God wanted to teach us something through this.  I will be honest.  I told God I didn't want to learn this way.  Then I thought okay He will make it an easy way through for us so we will be fine. 

Work started to pick up for Scott and we thought hey we are almost through this catastrophe (even if our emergency fund is completely gone now) by April we will start seeing light. Then in Mid March Scott came home from work an hour after leaving to tell me he totaled his truck.  I thought he was joking at first.  He of course wasn't and the accident was his fault.  Yes we had insurance but the truck was only worth $4000.  Big trucks are more than $4000! We had no emergency fund left to help pay the rest we would need.  So now against all of our ideas of right living we had to get a loan to buy a truck.  A loan that we had no idea how we would pay off.  So much for getting out of the hole.  '

I started questioning God, asking Him what we did wrong.  Did we sin? Its not like I was feeling terrible for myself because I know it could be so so much worse.  I was just frustrated especially for my hard working husband.  At this time, I was in BSF studying Genesis and we were getting through Jacob.  I saw how hard Jacob's life was and I felt bad for the guy even though BSF acted as though he was a terrible man. He made so many stupid choices, but he was also terribly mistreated by his FIL Laban, his own father loved his brother more, and then his son Joseph was sold into slavery and he thought he was killed.  I found myself wondering why God allowed such a hard life for Jacob.  I believe Jacob loved God or else he wouldn't have cared about the promise and persue to follow it as Abraham and Isaac had.  But by the end of Genesis I saw the strong man of God Jacob became and remembered the weak man he was.  If God had not allowed all of those things in his life he would have never become the man God wanted him to be at his death.  I do not believe now that God was necessarily punishing Jacob all of the time, but rather changing Jacob making him more like Himself.  God does give consequences, but I learned something new.  God wanted to use the events this year to teach Scott and I something and to make us into the man and woman he wants us to be.  So, for that reason I'm okay with these trials.  I want to be more like Christ everyday so that someday I can stand before Him and get the reward He has promised me knowing I did my best. 

So what has God taught me? Well we are still struggling to make ends meet right now and work is slow which is very unusual this time of year. But, I will say we always have just enough at the exact time every bill!  At the end of BSF, I still didn't know what God wanted me to learn from this or how he wanted to change me.  But these last 2-3 weeks I have been feeling a lesson in simplicity being taught.  This is hard for me! I want to live differently than I did as a child.  We were poor and never had enough to do anything! I don't want that for my kids.  I want them to have enough clothes and enough snacks around the house and to go do fun things.  I have an awesome older brother who is living well with a huge house and huge business and beautiful new pool.  But, what I also want for my kids is to feel loved which is something I also never felt growing up.  When I had kids that is what I wanted more than anything, but then I started to loose focus.  I realized our kids were becoming like all the rest of America.  I was trying too hard to think of something fun to do. I started to think they liked going places to feel loved.  I honestly think that God has been trying to redirect me the way I was 2 kids ago.  Unfortunately, I was forced to live more simply by God taking away our income.  I truly feel like God is saying, "Stop! Slow down! Stay Home! Turn off your phone! Play with your kids! Less play dates talking to your friends!" So I'm trying a new way of life.  So far, the small changes have been rewarding.  Being less busy has also made me feel more patient. I've noticed my older 2 really connecting to me and a whole lot less issues with number 2.  I am still working at seeing what else God wants me to do to live a life of simplicity.  Each day I see something else. I have started waking up at 6:30am to be up first and read about how to be a better wife and each afternoon we have reestablished Quiet time in our home.  We now have time and we all love it.  I am not kidding!  The kids actually look forward to quiet time each day.  It is hard for me to slow down and be quiet.  This is just another step toward simplicity.  I am working on saying no. So if I say no please do not be offended.  I had the kids registered for swim lessons and asked for a refund.  We will be spending our summer swimming at the YMCA as a family and going to the library along with therapy for Addie and Caleb, but that is it.  I'm learning that just because society says children should do something, it doesn't mean mine need to.  My children are growing up so fast and right now all they want is Scott and I to love them by being with them. I never want my kids to grow up and not feel loved.  I know my parents did not intend for me to feel that way either, but made mistakes. My heart pounds with joy when I think of my children and I cant imagine my life without them.  I'm overwhelmed with thankfulness for each of them.  We can make so many memories from home and close to home that costs little to nothing.  We have tried to plan a summer vacation and then we tried to downsize to just Holiday World, but have realized that even that is not what God wants for our family.  God is changing my heart to long for simplicity and I pray that I listen and follow His leading.  If you have any other suggestions on how to live a life that is Full but simple I am all ears!
I did not write this to complain about our circumstances, but rather to help you understand how God has brought me to this point teaching me about simplicity.