Heavy Heart

What is worse? A tantrum, disobedient 4 yr old or a 2 1/2 year old who still cannot talk? One is aggravating while the other is well aggravating. The only difference is that the aggravation is toward the 4 yr old, however the aggravation is toward the disorder for the 2 1/2 yr old. I feel like Im loosing my creativity and patience in dealing with Bekah. She is so stubborn with no fear! I honestly think that she believes punishment is totally worth it to disobey. My newest goal is to not allow myself to fight with her anymore. Instead just put her in a place far from me until she is willing to do what she was asked and without screaming. Today it took her 1 1/2 hrs before she gave in, but I guess the key is that she did give in and obey. Im praying that Scott and I get through this while teaching our child about her relationship with Christ and the role He plays in all of this. I know that this too will pass as Ryan went through something very similar at age 3, however she wasnt nearly as stubborn. She was just extremely emotional. Anyway, I cannot allow myself to blame my parenting, but seek Christ for wisdom in this newest trial.
Now for Caleb! The poor boy still cannot talk. He tries so hard to immitate when asked, but there is not spontaneous speech except for last Friday when he called for "mama!" A few months ago I was so overwhelmed with what to do to help him more. Where to get more therapy and how. After getting no where with first steps and being told nothing could be done until he was three I felt frustrated and gave up. But today I met with his evaluator for first steps and realized how serious his condition is once again. She is going to do everything she can to get him more therapy through first steps until he no longer qualifies at age 3. With Apraxia he needs so much more help than he is getting. Im working so hard with him everyday, but it would be nice to have more help. Once he turns 3 I have to decide if we want to use the school system for therapy, the local hospital, or another agency. Well I have no idea what to do! I dont have peace about the school system as Ive had 2 in that program. Not that impressive especially with him having something much more serious than articulation. I want to do what is the best for him and covered by insurance. He is the sweetest boy who wants to talk so badly! It breaks my heart when he gets so frustrated or is trying to tell me something he did, but cant. I know that if this is the only disability that any of my kids suffer from we will be okay. It could be so much worse. This is something that can be fixed, but sounds so overwhelming. I need to learn sign language and help him learn it too while also working on his cards. To give you an idea of how to help him with just one word. For example, to teach the word "me." He will learn the word in phases to eventually be able to say "me".
1st: MMM
2nd: mmm-eh
3rd: mmm-ee
4th: me
That is just to learn one small word! Which by the way he is only on step one MMM and pointing to himself for this word. So much work for one word! Yes overwhelming to say the least!! But obviously if he does not get the proper therapy he needs then he will struggle big time with school and learning to read and write. Anyway, I know that in time he will be okay. It will just take a lot of time and frustration with joy throughout for such simple things! I pray that God gives us wisdom on his therapy and patience these next few years. I wont lie as I also pray that it really isnt apraxia rather he is just delayed and will quickly begin to learn to talk. God is bigger than Apraxia!!!