Heavy Heart

What is worse? A tantrum, disobedient 4 yr old or a 2 1/2 year old who still cannot talk? One is aggravating while the other is well aggravating. The only difference is that the aggravation is toward the 4 yr old, however the aggravation is toward the disorder for the 2 1/2 yr old. I feel like Im loosing my creativity and patience in dealing with Bekah. She is so stubborn with no fear! I honestly think that she believes punishment is totally worth it to disobey. My newest goal is to not allow myself to fight with her anymore. Instead just put her in a place far from me until she is willing to do what she was asked and without screaming. Today it took her 1 1/2 hrs before she gave in, but I guess the key is that she did give in and obey. Im praying that Scott and I get through this while teaching our child about her relationship with Christ and the role He plays in all of this. I know that this too will pass as Ryan went through something very similar at age 3, however she wasnt nearly as stubborn. She was just extremely emotional. Anyway, I cannot allow myself to blame my parenting, but seek Christ for wisdom in this newest trial.
Now for Caleb! The poor boy still cannot talk. He tries so hard to immitate when asked, but there is not spontaneous speech except for last Friday when he called for "mama!" A few months ago I was so overwhelmed with what to do to help him more. Where to get more therapy and how. After getting no where with first steps and being told nothing could be done until he was three I felt frustrated and gave up. But today I met with his evaluator for first steps and realized how serious his condition is once again. She is going to do everything she can to get him more therapy through first steps until he no longer qualifies at age 3. With Apraxia he needs so much more help than he is getting. Im working so hard with him everyday, but it would be nice to have more help. Once he turns 3 I have to decide if we want to use the school system for therapy, the local hospital, or another agency. Well I have no idea what to do! I dont have peace about the school system as Ive had 2 in that program. Not that impressive especially with him having something much more serious than articulation. I want to do what is the best for him and covered by insurance. He is the sweetest boy who wants to talk so badly! It breaks my heart when he gets so frustrated or is trying to tell me something he did, but cant. I know that if this is the only disability that any of my kids suffer from we will be okay. It could be so much worse. This is something that can be fixed, but sounds so overwhelming. I need to learn sign language and help him learn it too while also working on his cards. To give you an idea of how to help him with just one word. For example, to teach the word "me." He will learn the word in phases to eventually be able to say "me".
1st: MMM
2nd: mmm-eh
3rd: mmm-ee
4th: me
That is just to learn one small word! Which by the way he is only on step one MMM and pointing to himself for this word. So much work for one word! Yes overwhelming to say the least!! But obviously if he does not get the proper therapy he needs then he will struggle big time with school and learning to read and write. Anyway, I know that in time he will be okay. It will just take a lot of time and frustration with joy throughout for such simple things! I pray that God gives us wisdom on his therapy and patience these next few years. I wont lie as I also pray that it really isnt apraxia rather he is just delayed and will quickly begin to learn to talk. God is bigger than Apraxia!!!

3 months too long!

As you can imagine I havent had a whole lot of time to update the blog. Adelyn is finally going to bed at 8:30pm now so I have my evenings back. So what will I do with all of this extra free time? Probably not blog, but sleep more. Now that she isnt taking a late evening feeding she is waking twice in the night. I would certainly rather have her go to bed at 10pm and wake only once to feed. Owell this is life with a baby. A sweet baby I should add! So here is an update on the last 3 busy, but good months!

After 8 weeks we realized that Adelyn was allergic to dairy in my breast milk. The first 4 weeks on a dairy free diet was HARD! But now it isnt really a big deal. I do crave cheese once in a while but not nearly as badly as I did at first. Once I gave up dairy she became a completely different baby within 4 days! At 4 months she weights 15lbs 6oz and can scoot all over the room on her back. She plays in her exercauser and sits in her bumbo. She was just weaned from naps in her swing because she stopped sleeping as well at night in her bed. I loved the 3 hour naps in her swing because I could get so much done, but I love my sleep at night more. She rarely cries and is a thumb sucker :) She talks all of the time and even more when her siblings are talking. I think she is trying to pass up Caleb. She follows her mama around the room and loves to giggle. In her first 4 months she has had 2 colds and one ended in an ear infection. All of this to say, Addie, is a normal happy 4 month old that we are in love with!

Caleb is our little man that still cannot talk, but is getting better at making sounds upon command. I am working with him all day long when interacting with him and we also work on cards once every day. It is seeming more and more likely that he does have apraxia. It is a long road of repetition and more repitition, but is something he can overcome. These last two weeks he has made a lot of new sounds for me, but none without command. We are just praying that at age 3 in October we have a clear direction in the proper therapy for him. We have a couple options but want to do what is best for him. Im also still praying that Caleb will prove everyone wrong and it wont be apraxia but rather he is just being slow (the story of his life!) He crawled, walked, and sat up late. He prefers to take his time. A lot like his daddy! What is the hurry is their moddo. We shall see! He is healthy and active. He put holes in pair of new shoes in 1 week! He goes through 2 oufits a day (only bc he lays in his bed for rest time). He hasnt fallen asleep at rest time more than 2 times in the last month. He has created a lot of his own sign language, climbs up 3-4 shelves in the pantry, he put his own shoes on and off now, he goes potty in the potty when he feels like it, he eats non stop from breakfast through lunch and never eats his dinner, and he still enjoys wandering and exploring and trains more than anything else!

Bekah is crazier than ever if that is possible! Bekah climbs and flips on anything she can. I mean anything! She should seriously be in gymnastics doing the rings or bars! But we cant put that much money into a sport. We figured out that she is sensitive or allergic to oats. Since figuring this out she has not complained of a belly ache or had diarrhea. Next month she will go to the dr to see if she is gaining weight finally. I would say she should be because she eats twice as much but she is also twice as active from feeling better too! Our goal is just to get her BMI on the chart at least to 5 % as she is now at 1%. We will see, but Im not worried about it now that she feels better and acts better. Preschool was too easy for her these days so we started some kindergaten stuff just to keep her busy until the fall when I officially start her in kindergarten. She has had a hard time with Adelyn taking up so much of our time and has begun throwing massive tantrums and outright disobedience again. That has been trying for Scott and I but sure this will end soon.

Ryan has become such a great helper! She is a bit too motherly but in some ways it is nice to know I can count on her when I need a little more help. She is flying through kindergarten and is hard to believe she will be in 1st grade in 2 months! Wow! She can read too! It is so awesome to know that I helped her learn to read and it was fun for both of us. She hates learning new things but after the 2nd or 3rd time she enjoys it. Ryan has such a servant tender spirit. She loves to give to others and do things for them whenever she can.

This spring both girls are playing softball and finishing up BSF. This summer I am babysitting a 6 year old. We are trying out this week for spring break and so far it hasnt been too bad. She is a good easy going little girl. Hopefully it wont be too disasterous this summer but I wanted to help out a friend and give my girls an extra playmate.

Scott's business is very busy. He hired a second guy to hopefully help keep up but right now he is so swamped still. But spring is always hard because of estimates for all of those dreamers out there who have no idea the cost to add luxieries to their homes.

So there you have it! Going from 3 to 4 hasnt been all that hard for our family. We have had a good time and Adelyn seems like she has always been here. Now for hoping for a great fun spring and summer!!!